


Dream Daddy

by WhoWants2Live4ever



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Amputation, Australian Character, Boys In Love, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Timeline, Daddy Kink, Denial of Feelings, Don't Read This, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Multiple Pairings, Named Dadsona (Dream Daddy), Night Terrors, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prosthesis, Questioning, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexuality, Sexuality Crisis, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, Teenage Drama, True Love, Unrequited Love, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-06-01 00:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15130928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoWants2Live4ever/pseuds/WhoWants2Live4ever
Summary: Zack Evans, a well built 39 year old, and his daughter, Amanda, are new to the cul-de-sac and things have gotten off to a fantastic start. Maybe a new start won't be so bad after all.





	1. The 'Weird' Dad

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I intend to put this in a series but there isn't really an order to them after this :P
> 
> I also don't want to feel like I'm just copying the games script so I'll make changes when I see fit :)
> 
> Anyway, enough of my blubbering, enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack's Dadbook

**ZACK EVANS**

****

 I'm not exactly a social butterfly, but let's give this a shot.

**_On a Friday Night you are most likely to…_ **

See how fast my cruiser can actually go before overheating.

**_If you had one thing to take with you onto a desert island, what would it be?_ **

A metal baseball bat

**_What are your turn ons?_ **

A good sense of humour

**_What did you want to be when you grew up?_ **

A pro racer

**_What's your favourite movie genre?_ **

Anything to do with horror

**_What's your ideal date?_ **

I'll do just about anything if I'm comfortable with someone.

**_What do you never leave home without?_ **

My bike keys

**_I spend a lot of time thinking about…_ **

Why am I so self conscious about my prosthetic? Why am I terrified of being rejected because of it? It's not like it stops me doing what I want…


	2. The Cul-De-Sac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took too long but I've got a surge of motivation. Might as well use it productively :)
> 
> The goal is to update once-twice a week. Most likely to be Saturdays/Fridays.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

“Dad! The moving trucks here!” Amanda called “Dad?”

“Huh?” Zack snaps out of his daze with a mumbled apology.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Amanda crosses her arms.

“Not well.” He rubs his eyes. “I'll be fine.”

“I'm surprised you didn’t fall asleep packing.” Amanda quips.

“I nearly did, several times. But I think I got it all.”

Zack looks around the room. Every box is sealed apart from one in the corner labeled ‘Old Stuff’.

“Wait, straggler.”

He opens the box and picks up a pile of photos that were sitting on the top.

“What's that?” Amanda takes the first picture from Zack’s grasp.

“The only way your mother and I could get you to stop crying was to put sunglasses on you.” He reminisces. “We’d take them off and it would bring another crying fit. I think you even slept with them on.”

Amanda giggles. “Nice.”

He flips to the next picture, a grin growing on his face. “Halloween when you were maybe… four?” Amanda goes into another fit of giggles. “You couldn’t decide whether you wanted to be a princess or a dragon so you went with both-”

“Princess dragon!” Amanda throws her arms up. “But why do I remember crying in that costume?”

“You realised you were actually scared of dragons. Being inside the dragon's mouth probably didn't help much.”

“Yep. Right. Definitely repressed that memory.” Amanda shivers. “What's the next one?”

Zack suppresses a laugh. “Aaaaand this is you in your horse faze!”

Amanda scowls at her father. “Daaaaad.”

“I forget what you called that plush horse… Oh yeah! Sir Horseington the Brave!”

Amanda blushes. “I don’t think that was his-”

Amanda reaches for the photo but considering Zack is almost two foot taller than her, he can easily keep it out of her reach with his superior dad arms.

“Nice try, Panda. But this is important blackmail for later down the road.”

Amanda sticks her tounge out at him. “Go ahead. I've seen pictures of you in your nerd phase.”

Zack fakes a shot to the chest. “Ouch, kid.”

The fourth picture was of Amanda and one of her Emma friends. Zack still curses himself for not being able to tell the difference.

“Hey! It's Emma P.!”

“No, Dad.” Amanda rolls her eyes. “That's Emma R.! I didn't meet Emma P. until high school!”

“Honey I promise you, wholeheartedly, that I will never stop mixing those two up.”

“Emma R. has been my best friend since I was seven give it like, a little bit of effort.”

“Oh right! Emma P. was the one who…”  _ Think, Zack! Think! _ “... Lighter fluid, tennis ball, tennis racket. Right?”

“Dad, that was you.” Amanda smirks.

“Oh yeah. I was a wild child.”

“I was six when you did it.”

“Okay, Amanda. I wasn't aiming at the police station. The police station just happened to be in the way of where I wanted to hit a flaming tennis ball!”  _ Great save. _

“I remember you tried to explain that to the police.”

“They didn't believe me either.”

Amanda let's lose a few more giggles.

“Anyway,” She snatches the polaroid. “I've gotta show this to Emma R. later. She'll get a kick out of it.”

“The first photography award you ever won.”

It's Amanda stood in front of a picture frame with the close up of ladybird sitting inside.

“Yeah, and it got us a $20 gift card to McFridayz!” she reminisces. “And then you got really bad food poisoning from the Cheezy Toztada blastz!”

“I think you mean  _ poizoning _ . Y'know with a ‘z’?”

Amanda doesn't seem to appreciate Zack’s impeccable dad pun. “Daaaad.” she whines.

“To this day I can't even see the McFridayz logo without gagging.” he shudders. “Still proud of you, though.”

Amanda reaches into the bottom of the box and pulls out one last photo. It's Alex holding Amanda the day after she was born with ‘I love you, Amanda’ written across the bottom.  _ Must. Not. Cry. _ They stare at it in silence for a minute.

“It's a funny story actually. She'd called me about an hour after I'd gotten to work telling me ‘the baby’s coming’.” he explains. “Of course the entire way to the hospital I was freaking out. And she took my hand and told me over and over again that it was going to be okay.  _ She _ was the one having the baby and  _ I _ was the one freaking out.”

“She was right you know.” Amanda pats her dad's shoulder.

His heart aches more the longer he look at the picture.  _ I miss her… _ He can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for Amanda.

“Let's get going, Pops.”

“You're right.”

Manda and Zack pile into the car and they take one last, long look at the house. It's hard to believe they'd bought that place nearly twenty years ago.

“So many memories here.” Zack sighs.

“Hey,” Amanda chirps up. “Remember when I shattered the front window playing catch?”

“You always had very strong arms.”

“Remember when I broke the  _ other _ front window pretending to be a robot that breaks windows?”

“You were always an imaginative child.”

“Hey remember when I broke the back window pl-”

“Alright, Amanda! I get it, you break things.” He breaks the cycle Amanda had gotten herself into.

“And there'll be plenty of stuff to break in the new house, right?”

“Memories to make and stuff to break.” Zack smiles.

They sit in silence for a moment. Zack watched his daughter grow up in that house, it'll always have a place in his heart but it stings a little to leave it behind.

“You ready?” Amanda asks.

“I'm ready.”

Zack turns the keys in the ignition and follows the moving truck. The old house slowly disappears in the rear view mirror.

“Soo…” Amanda breaks the silence.

“So what?”

“So… sell me on our cool new pad!”

Zack clears his throat and does his best cheesy announcer voice. “Nestled in the scenic downtown Maple Bay, our new house features not only bedrooms for your sleeping pleasure, but also couches and floor space where you can, yes, catch a wink.”

“What a deal! Well… of sleep wasn’t for the weak.” Amanda quips.

“You sleep more than anyone I know.” Zack furrowed his eyebrows.

“I can admit my faults, Pops. I keep it real.”

“It's also got a two car garage plus a washer  _ and _ dryer hookup! It's smaller than the old house though.”

“Cozier one might argue.” Amanda points out.

“Aw, my baby’s a glass half full kinda person.” Zack wipes a nonexistent tear from his face. “I'm so proud.”

“You raised me right, dad.” Amanda smiles. “And I think it's great! Won't we be closer to a lot of cool stuff that we can walk to? So I don't have to… waste gas? And I mean, trying to park downtown is… you know…”

“Manda,” Zack places his hand on her shoulder. “You know you're gonna have to learn to parallel park eventually right?”

“Never gonna happen, Pops.”

* * *

They pull up in front of the new house and step outside. The lawn is freshly mown and the ‘FOR SALE’ sign is still in the front yard. But with a swift kick from Amanda the sign is no more.

“Great form, Sweet Pea.”

“I got a problem with authority!” she yells. “Man, all that karate chopping really tuckered me out. I could really go for a sandwich… an ICE CREAM sandwich.”

“Sweetie… it's 10 a.m.” I shake his head. “Did you even see all the dogs in the park nearby?”

“You know it! Thanks for moving us to an area where the dog to person ratio is very high.” she smiles.

“I only want the best for you.”

“I hope you're prepared for the frequency I interrupt conversations to yell ‘DOG!’ to rocket waaaay up.”

“You do that anywa-”

“HEY, LOOK IT'S A DOG!” Amanda shouts. “Wait, false alarm. It was just a funny shaped rock.”

“If you wanna see real dogs so bad let's go to that park around the corner.”


	3. Frisbees, Coffee and Dad Puns

Amanda and Zack begin to stroll down through the neighbourhood. It's really a beautiful day outside. Kids are playing happily in the street, every flower is in bloom and the faint smell of a barbeque wafts through the air.

“This place is nice.” Zack comments.

“Too nice.” Amanda squints. “I don’t trust it.”

“Good eye, honey.” He plays along. “You can never be too careful. See that baby in the stroller over there? Government operative.”

“We're onto you, baby!”

After a while (10 minutes) of walking they find themselves in a small park. Toddlers chase one another around the playground and dogs of all shapes and sizes roam through the grass. It's pretty crowded, which is to be expected on such a nice day, but Amanda spots a nice empty bench. They start to make their way over to it when-

“Heads up!!”

“Ahh! Fuck…”

A frisbee suddenly hits Zack in the face.

“Watch your language, dad. We're in public.”

“Hey, I'm an adult. I'll say what I want.” Zack squeezes the bridge of his nose. “And that hurt.”

A corgi with a neat plaid handkerchief tied around its neck comes bounding up to them while it happily wags its tail.

“Woof!”

“Did you throw this at my head?” Zack picks up the frisbee as he scolds the insanely adorable dog.

“Bark!” He runs around in circles and nudges his leg with his nose.  _ Oh god. This is the cutest dog _ .

“Impart upon me your wisdom tiny dog!”

“Woof woof!”

“Oh no. How long do I have left?”

“Grrr…”

“What's that? I'm too late? My fate was predetermined for me long ago? I have no real agency in this cruel timeline?”

“Dad what are you talking about?” Amanda giggles.

“I have no idea.” Zack replies honestly.

“You know, frisbees are traditionally caught with your hands. Not your face.”

A guy in a hawaiian shirt jogs up to them and takes the frisbee from his hands.

“You caught me off guard this time.” Zack retorts. “I'll make sure to catch it with my teeth next time.”

“Ha! I'm just messing with ya. I'm Brian, by the way.” he holds out his hand.

“Zack.”  _ Wow this guy is strong. _ “This is my daughter, Amanda.”

Zack look over expecting to see Amanda stood next to me only to find her sitting on the ground, rubbing the dog's tummy.

“Hi.” she waves. “Your dogs cool.”

“Well, old maxwell sure loves the attention.” Brian grins. “It's great to see another father and his daughter out here.”

“Where's yours?”

Brian gestures vaguely over to the grassy knoll, where a young girl sits on a checkered blanket. The book she's reading is bigger than her head. She places it down and heads over to them.

“This is Daisy.” Brian says. “She's reading the Brothers Karamazov. Her teacher tells me that she had the reading comprehension of a high schooler.”

“How old is she?”

“Ten!”  _ Jeez _ “She's a precocious little youngster.”

“Whoa…” Amanda mumbles.

His natural dad instinct kicks in. He must brag about his child's accomplishments. Oh no, it's happening…

“Go on, Daisy.” Brian says. “Tell them about yourself.”

“Um, I-” Daisy stammers.

“That's my girl!”

“Amanda, get in there!”

“Okay, okay.” she mumbles in reply.

“Amanda here just recently won a local photography award.” Zack brags.

“Wow, congratulations!” Brian claps. “Daisy actually just one a statewide poetry contest.”

Zack fumbles through his phone browser and manages to pull up a photo of Amanda winning her tenth grade spelling bee. He shows it to Brian.

“Wow, congratulations, Amanda! Daisy js getting ready for her annual spelling bee right now.” He folds his arms. “Hopefully this will be her third win in a row.”

_ Yikes _ .

“Daisy also just started a weekly chess club at her elementary school computer lab. She's the president too, of course.”

“Dang.” Amanda says, defeatedly. “My high school doesn’t have a chess club or a computer lab.”

Zack unfurls his wallet to reveal a tiny copy of a drawing of a cornucopia Amanda did in the first grade.

“Cute!” Brian exclaims.

It isn't very impressive but Amanda genuinely appreciates him holding on to it.

“Daisy sold enough candy bars this year to get a top prize -- a canoe!” Brian boasts.

“We're taking it out next weekend.” Daisy smiles bashfully.

_ How is that even possible? _ Zack thought.  _ Amanda could barely get one of those sticky hand things. _

Zack digs into his pockets and pulls out a wrinkled copy of his daughters last grade card. Awesome grades; But Amanda still shakes her head with embarrassment.

“Daaaad…”

Brian gives him a strange look. “You really carry that around everywhere?”

“Okay, maybe it is a little weird.” Zack admits. “But I'm proud of my child's achievements!”

“Did I mention Daisy said her first word at  _ 10 months _ ? ‘Daddy’.”

Amanda’s was potty; which is still cute but it's probably not the best time to bring it up.

“Last week, unprompted, Amanda helped an old woman with her grocery bags.”

“Daisy here has all of her adult teeth. Never had a single cavity either!”

Amanda self consciously pushes her lips together to hide her teeth.

“And words aren't all Daisy's good at, her math skills are amazing! One time I actually called her to double check my numbers before I made a cut for a support beam!”

“You did that more than one, dad!” Daisy interrupts.

_ Doesn't that say more about him than it does about Daisy? _ Zack runs out of things to say and Brian crosses his arms triumphantly, fully aware that he'd won this time.

“Boy it's been such a treat getting to meet you two.” he grins.  _ Did he have to add insult to injury by being such a gracious winner?! _ “So I take it you're new to the neighbourhood?”

“We just moved in,” Zack confirms. “do you live around here?”

“Yeah, we live in that cul-de-sac next to the coffee shop.

“What a coincidence, that's where we live too!” Amanda cheers.

“What a small world. Daisy and I live in that little ranch style house on the corner.”

Zack remembers that house from when they pulled up this morning. It's basically the same to theirs except bigger and better landscaped. _ Now he's going to brag about his house? _

“What a lovely place…” Zack shoves his hands in his pockets.

“Well, I don't want to take up anymore of your time. Really nice meeting you guys! You'll have to stop by some time.”

“Definitely!”Amanda says. “Bye!”

Brian and Daisy walk further into the park with Maxwell happily trotting along behind them.

“Do you get the feeling he was trying to one up us?”

“Trying and succeeding. That kid is only ten! TEN!” Amanda sighs. “What was I even doing at her age?”

“Uh…” Zack smirks. “I believe you had a bit of a thing for horses.”

“Shame that didn't pan out. Coulda majored in Comparative Horse Studies.” She plays along with her dad's mockery.

“It's not too late to minor in Horse creative writing.”

“Too close to the truth, dad.” Amanda shakes her head. “Let us never again think of The Fantastic Adventures of Sir Horseington the Brave: an Epic in Seven Parts by Amanda Evans.”

“Agreed.”

They laugh off the horse jokes and stroll around the park for a little while longer, enjoy the beautiful day.

“Okay if I don't get any coffee in me in the next ten to fifteen minutes, I'm gonna be useless all day.” Zack suggests.

“I think the passed a coffee shop on the way here.” Amanda points vaguely in the direction we came from. “Maybe we could go check it out.”

“Let's do it!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The two of them walk down the street to The Coffee Spoon, a cute little place that sits on the corner. They continue to take in the scenery of the new town.

“Man this is in such convenient walking distance from our place!” Amanda comments.

“I mean, I guess…” Zack replies.

“What's wrong?”

“Why would I go somewhere else to drink coffee on a couch when I have perfectly good coffee and a perfectly comfortable couch at home? And there's not awkward eye contact!”

“Dad-”

“And what's the etiquette when you have a dirty mug? Is the a bin? Do you set it down on the counter because you don't know where else to put it?” Zack rambles. “Or do you wait to get flushed with shame when you ponder the fact that there is a bin and now you're just That Jerk That Left Their Mug?”

Amanda rolls her eyes. “Dad, are you just afraid to meet new people?”

“YES AMANDA!”

 

The inside of the coffee shop is exceptionally warm and inviting. Vinyl records line the walls and patrons lounge around on well worn in couches. Some tunes spin on the record player next to the little stage. There's a man stood behind the counter, a welcoming grin across his face.

“Welcome to the Coffee Spoon, guys! I'm Mat, how's it going?”

“What's with the name?” Amanda ask

“Oh it's uh… It's kinda dumb…” Mat scratches the back of his neck. “It's mentioned in this poem I like and I thought it was a good idea at the time. I suppose it is a good idea because like, the business is still running? But people ask me that question all the time and I give them this exact same answer every time and now I'm standing her rambling and I'm sure we're all getting more and more uncomfortable by the second but man we're in it now and I can't stop…”

_ Oh… kay then. _ “...”

“So what’ll it be?” Mat quickly changes the subject.

Zack carefully examines the chalkboard menu. Coffee is nothing to joke about. But he's immediately overwhelmed by the choices.

“I'll have a Godspeed You! Black Coffee.” a light bulb goes off in Zack’s head. “Hey, that's a pun. It's a rock band, right?”

Mat’s face lights up. “Only the best. Godspeed You! Black Emperor are amazing for their sweeping soundscapes and… I'm doing the thing again. Coming right up! And for you?” he looks at Amanda.

“I'll have a Macchiato DeMarco, please.” Amanda smiles.

“Coming right up! Do you want that in small medium or Biggie Smalls?”

_ Oh the puns! I love it! _

“Uh… medium?” Zack intends to say it as a statement, but it comes out as more of a question.

“Wait, is Biggie Smalls big or small?” Amanda queries.

_ It's a rapper, Amanda. _

“Yeah… I should probably change that shouldn't I?”

Mat sets to making our drinks while Amanda and I take a seat on one of the couches.  _ Damn, this is a nice couch, _ Zack ponders,  _ good lumbar support, you sink right into it. It might actually be an improvement over our own couch. _ Amanda nudges Zack, bringing his thoughts back into reality.

“Y’know,” she starts. “this place isn't far from our house and that guy seems not only cool but also just as uncomfortable with talking to other people as you.”

“That would be a riveting conversation wouldn't it?” Zack snickers. “Both sat on either end of a couch, too awkward to even make eye contact. Fantastic.”

Amanda rolls her eyes at her father's sarcasm. “Come on. You should totally be friends with him.He makes puns that you understand! How long do you think he's wanted someone to get some of those puns.”

“I dunno, Manda.” Zack nervously starts tapping his foot. “I don’t like leaving the house, people scare me, social interaction is my worst damn nightmare!”

Amanda puts her hand on his shoulder. “We’ll work on that.”

Mat sets our drink down at their table and Zack’s eyes water slightly when he immediately burns the roof of his mouth. It's good coffee nonetheless.

“Hi, we're new to the neighbourhood. I'm Amanda and this is my dad, Zack.”

“Right on! I'm pleased to meet you both!” Mat smiles. “You oughta come by when my daughter's hanging around the shop. You two might get along!”

“I'm sure we'll maybe come in from time to time.” Amanda kicks Zack from under the table. He winces slightly. “I'm sure we'll be in here a lot!”

“You know what? Lemme get your guys’ opinion on something.”

They watch Mat disappear into the back and comes back a minute or so later with something that smells amazing.

“I've been working on this new banana bread recipe and I can't seem to think of a name for it.”

“We’ll have to taste test it first to get an idea of its… personality. Y'know, to get it's full flavour profile.” Zack sips his coffee awkwardly.

Amanda nods her head vigorously. She knows this game all too well. “Yeah, we need to give that ‘nana bread a taste if we're going to be doing free labour.”

_ I have taught her well _ .

“I was just gonna give you guys free banana bread anyway…” Mat gives the duo an odd look.

“Right. Yes. That.” Zack and Amanda awkward glance at each other.

Mat serves them each a piece and they both happily chow down.

“Oh my god…” Zack utters.

“This is amazing!” Amanda shouts with her mouth full.

“Thanks!” Mat smiles bashfully. “The secret ingredient is bananas. Soo, any ideas? I'm stumped.”

“The only ideas I'll be able to give you will mostly be dad puns but I'll give is a shot.” Zack pauses. “How about Banana Bread Kennedys, y’know like the punk band.”

“I thought you said you only knew Dad puns?” Mat snickers.

“I'm a hard dad.”

“That… actually has a nice ring to it. Banana Bread Kennedys. Strong decisions. That's art, baby.”

Queue the awkward silence.

“I wanted to say ‘baby’ because I thought it would sound cool but once I'd said it I realized it doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth. Maybe I should leave saying ‘baby’ to the professionals.” Mat stops his rambling. “Enjoy your coffee!”

“Thanks, baby.” Zack casually lifts his cup to his mouth.

“See? It sounds good when you say it.”

Across the room a man catches Zack’s attention. He's sitting by himself, brooding over a cut of coffee. Their eyes meet for a matter of seconds.  _ Who is he? _ Zack hastily looks away hoping the stranger didn't catch him staring. He and Amanda finish their drinks and head out.

“Thanks for stopping in!” Mat calls.

“Take care!”


	4. Cookies, Old Friends and Bad News

“Now that we're full to the brim with caffeine. Where to?” Amanda asks.

“We need to head home. I'm gonna need at least four hours to figure out how to build my new bed and I'd rather not sleep on the floor.” Zack jokes.

It takes maybe twenty minutes for the two to get home again. Amanda disappears into her room to unpack while Zack gets to work unpacking various boxes that litter the living room floor. A couple hours pass and he get the majority of the work done. The washer/dryer unit is installed, quietly washing and drying and they can actually walk around without tripping over. The doorbell startles Zack.

“What the hell?” He raises his eyebrows. “We've only been here a couple hours.”

He walks open to the door and opens it regardless of his original thought. A handsome, clean cut man stands on the other side, a plate of cookies firmly in hand.

“Hello!” he greets happily.

“Hell… o?”  _ Damn me and my awkwardness. _

“Oh where are my manners. My name is Joseph. I'm your next door neighbour!”

_ Now that makes sense. _ “Oh, yes! Hi! I'm Zack. That's what my name is.”

_ Real smooth _ .

“I saw the moving van and thought I'd bring over some cookies. My daughter, Christie wanted me to let you know she baked them herself.” Joseph glances behind his shoulder. “But between you and me, she just sprinkled in the chocolate chips.”

They both laugh. Kids, right?

“Wow, cookies, huh?” Amanda leaps into the conversation. “So nice to meet you!”

Joseph hands her the plate of cookies with a smile. Zack is immediately aware that he's not going to get any of them.

“Well, thanks for the cookies!”

“Amanda come ba-  aaaand she's gone.” Zack rolls his eyes. “That is my daughter. Her name is Amanda. She's a charmer just like her mother.”

“Daughters are tough.” Joseph assures. “Sons are also tough. Children in general are just… tough.”

“I hear that.” Zack sighs. “There'd have to be something wrong with you to try and raise more than one.”

Joseph’s happy expression drops. “I have four kids.”

_ WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? _

“Oh, I didn’t- sorry.” Zack gulps.

“It's okay. You didn’t mean to be rude.” 

_ Great. You screwed things with one of your neighbours. What if he tells the others you're an asshole? _ Zack overthinks the situation. _ Maybe it's not too late to move again… _

“Yeah, okay…”

“Is the missus around?”

Zack’s heart drops. “Uh… no. Not anymore. She died.”

“Oh… uh.” now they're both awkward. “I'm sorry for your loss.”

“Nah, it's alright.”

_ Wow. This is uncomfortable. _ They stand there quietly for a few grueling seconds, acutely aware of how awkward this situation is.

“I'm sorry. Can you close the door real quick?” Joseph steps out again.

“Uh… sure.” Zack looks at his neighbour quizzically but compiles.

There's another knock on the door after a few seconds. He opens it and Joseph is stood there, a broad smile on his face.

“Hi, I'm your new neighbour Joseph.” he says. “I promise not to bring up your dead spouse this time. I'm throwing a barbeque for the cul-de-sac and would love for you to come by and meet the other neighbours. Whaddya say, pal?”

Zack smiles at Joseph’s attempt at a second try. “That sounds wonderful. My daughter and I will definitely be stopping by.” he pauses. “also four kids is a perfectly normal amount of kids to have…”

They shake hands to seal the deal.

“Well neighbour, I'll see you at 3 p.m. sharp on Saturday.”

“Sure thing, neighbour.”

Joseph starts to leave but halts and turns around to face Zack again.

“Hey, raising a kid by yourself can't be easy. If you ever need to… talk about… things. I'm the Youth Minister at our local church. Feel free to stop by.”

“I dunno. I wouldn't consider myself a ‘Youth’.”

“You look pretty young to me.” Joseph grins with a flirtatious wink. “But suit yourself!”

And with that Joseph leaves. Zack closes the door, completely aware that he's gone fully red faced.

“He seems nice.” Manda appears in front of him.

There are crumbs all over her face and a cookie still in her hand.

“Did you seriously eat all of those?” Zack scolds. “You're gonna end up being sick.”

“It was all worth it!” Amanda gives Zack the finger guns.

“That was the smoothest recover I've ever seen.” He comments, impressed. “I should be taking notes.”

“See?” Amanda folds her arms. “You're already fitting in great.

“I think it would be very neighbourly to give Joseph his plate back.” Zack suggests. “That'll be at least 20 neighbour points.”

“Great idea, Pops. We'll be the best neighbours in this entire cul-de-sac!”

They both step outside, realising they don't actually know which house is Joseph’s.

“Crap. Which is his?”

Amanda points at a house across the street. “My guess is on the big one with the well groomed blonde children in the front yard.”

“Great detective skills, kid.”

“Remember we need to make a good first impression. Keep it light.”

They walk up to the kids with a friendly wave. On closer inspection Zack notices that two of the three are in fact twins. But they give of a very creepy vibe, they're almost identical to that scene in The Shining.

“I swear if one of them says ‘Come play with us’ to me, I'm going to scream…” Zack utters.

Amanda scoffs. “Jeez, dad. Calm down.”

The eldest of the three doesn't exactly look happy either. In fact he looks like he might be plotting to destroy the world. They all look up from what they're doing.

“Hey, kids. Is your dad around?” They all just stare at them blankly. “We just uh… wanted to return this nice plate. And thank you for the cookies.”

_ Jeez, these definitely are Joseph's kids. They look just like him. _

“They were really good.” Amanda comments.

_ Maybe we interrupted their seance… _

“O… kay. We're just gonna leave this here…” Zack puts the plate down. “And… slowly back up.”

The kids eyes bore into them as they scurry away. Zack can feel their intense gaze on his back even as they approach their house.

Amanda shudders. “I need something to get my mind off of those carbon copy kids.”

“I need a nap.” Her dad yawns in reply.

“You've been awake for what? Three hours?”

“And that's three hours too many!”

* * *

They start walking home as heavy footsteps pound along the pavement behind them.

“Zack! Bro!”

Zack turns around at the sound of his name being called and is greeted by a familiar face.

“Craig!?”

_ Wow. I haven't seen Craig since… well forever. _

“Bro! It's been too long.” Craig takes his earbuds out.

“Yeah, wow, you look great!”

“Ha. Yeah, I cleaned up my act.” he smiles.

_ Cleaned up his act? Are you kidding me? He's ripped! _

“I can see that.” Zack turns to his daughter. “Amanda this is my friend Craig. We were in college together, we were roommates for a while too.”

“Amanda! Dude! You probably don't remember me but you're so big now.” Craig chuckles.

“Hello! And hello, cute baby!” Amanda greets.

“Aw. Thank you. Last time I saw you, you must have been about her size. This is River. Say hi, River.” Craig picks up her tiny wrist and waves it around as she gurgles happily.

“Please tell me you're babysitting.” Zack begs.  _ Craig could barely take care of himself, let alone a child. _

“Nah dude, River’s my kid.” 

“So we went from rocking up to class late with a hangover to being fathers. Where ya been, man?”

“I was doing work out in California.” Craig explains. “I just relocated the business back to Maple Bay.”

“No kidding!” Zack’s face lights up. “Amanda and I just moved to this side of town! How's Smashley doing? I mean - Ashley. Ashley is her name.”  _ Shit. _

Craigs face drops. “She actually still goes by Smashley and uh… we got divorced last year.”

_ Great. Screw things while trying to reconnect with your best friend. Good one, Zack. _

“Oh… Dude. I'm sorry”

“Nah. It's old news. We take turns taking care of River and the twins. It's all copacetic.”

“That's- wait you have THREE kids!?” Zack’s mouth hangs open.

“Ain't life something, bro?” Craig grins.

“Life's a pain in the ass.” Zack utters. “But it's great sometimes! I mean, KegStand Craig is a father, of three!”

Amanda snickers at that nickname. “Keg Stand Craig?”

“Oh, haha.” Craig awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. “It was my old college nickname. It's that thing where you do a handstand on a keg then drink from it.”

“He threw up a lot. Half the time it was all over me.” Zack cringes. “He got better at it… eventually.”

“Ew.” Amanda cringes along with her father.

“See, Amanda? College is great!”

“Ah bro, I hate to be  _ that guy _ , but I'm in the middle of my daily jog and I really gotta keep my heart rate up. Brought River along for, you know,” Craig looks down at his daughter. “Resistance training.”

“I need you to get me back into that! I refuse to go because I don't know how much my leg will take.” Zack says.

“Oh yeah! How is the leg, anyway?”

“It doesn't blister as much anymore. Better padding in the socket.” Zack shrugs. “It's still a pain to get on.”

“I can only imagine. I can go with you, it'll be fun. We can grab breakfast afterwards, catch up. We could do a Bro Brunch like the good ol’ days!”

“That sounds… awesome, actually!” _ Sitting still is not my strong suit. _

“Great, let's get that going soon. I better get moving. See you guys later!”

Craig puts his earbuds back in and jogs off, leaving Zack and Amanda to continue they're walk home.

“You used to jog?” Amanda sounds apprehensive.

“I had to.” Zack confirms. “I was the quarterback in college, being strong and fast was key. I would've gone pro if I hadn't lost half of my left leg and got disqualified. It was a long shot anyway.”

Amanda nudges her dad's shoulder. “At least you can ride a motorbike like a pro.”

“How do you think I got a second date with your mother? Talking about my phantom pains?” Zack scoffs. “But I still don't understand how  _ Craig _ can be a father of not one, but three kids.”

“Why's that?” Amanda raises an eyebrow. “He looks responsible enough.”

“The Craig I knew shouldn't be in charge of any living thing. Including, and especially, himself. I once watched him drink an entire jar of marinara sauce for dinner, Amanda. He opened up a new jar of marinara and just drank it like it was a thing normal people do! When I asked him what in the holy hell was he doing, he said, and I quote, ‘It’s basically a smoothie, bro!’.”

“I mean technically… he's not wrong?”

“You, my darling child, will get along with Craig perfectly.”

They finally make it home and flop down on the couch. Amanda has to move some boxes out of the way before she can actually sit.

“Too bad we're gonna be packing all of my stuff back into these boxes in a few months.” Amanda casually says.

“Noooo.” Zack relies like a child. “You're not allowed to leave me anymore!”

Amanda sniggers at her dads behaviour. “Dad, it's gonna be okay. I'll be fine.”

“I know, I know. It's not you I'm worried about. You're my little girl, you always have been and you always will be.”

Amanda frowns. “I'll come visit. And I'll text you everyday. And I'll take lots of pictures! Obviously, I am a photography major."

“Promise?” Zack looks at his daughter.

“Of course. Are you gonna be okay all by your lonesome?”

“Oh, come on. I'll be fine. I'll get a dog or something.” He ponders. “Maybe an English Mastiff. Or a brown Great Dane with those big floppy ears called Scooby!”

“A dog!? Forget art school! I'd stay for the dog!” Amanda yells. “You've put a lot of thought into that haven't you?”

“Yes, yes I have. Is a dog all it'll take?”

“Medium sized dog, handkerchief around the neck. I get to name it. That's what it'll take for me to give up on my dream. I have simple wants and needs.”

“A dog would be cheaper than college.”

Amanda laughs. A pile of letter pour in through the mail slot.

“Speaking of college.” Zack sighs when he hears them hit the ground.

Amanda darts over to the pile and shuffles through them anxiously. She pulls out the one she wants, carelessly tossing the rest on the floor.

“This is from McGowan College of Art and Design!” she exclaims. “I'm scared.”

“It's just an envelope.” Zack attempts to lighten the mood.

Amanda rolls her eyes. “It's just my entire future. No big deal.”

She takes a deep breath and tear it open with her teeth. Zack cringes at the sound.

“That's probably really bad for your teeth…”

Amanda’s eyes dart back and forth as she scans the letter while Zack holds his breath in anticipation.  _ This is her dream school. _ He watches her face drop.

“What's it say, Panda?”

“... we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to McGowan College of Art and Design.” she throws the letter on the coffee table.

“That's gotta suck, kid.” Zack puts his arm over her shoulder.

“It's okay, I kinda saw it coming.” Amanda sighs. “I knew I shouldn't have put that experimental stuff in my portfolio, their admissions officer told me they just wanted portraits or whatever.”

“So they wanted you to express your artistic ability, by limiting the things you could actually give them?” Zack can feel his temper slowly rising. “That's a load of bullshit, right there.”

He pulls his daughter into a big hug, hoping it'll make her feel better.

“If they don't want experimentation they clearly don't know good art when they see it, kiddo. You're an amazing photographer. Don't let some snobby assholes tell you otherwise. Another college will surely snatch you up.”

“Yeah, I know it's fine.”

“Are you actually fine or are you just saying that?”

Amanda crosses her arms. “I'm fine, really.”

Her face says the complete opposite but pushing it isn't gonna help.

“Oh and before I forget, Emma R. and Emma P. are sleeping over tonight.” she immediately lights up.

“... You need me out of the house don't you?”

“I'd try and put it delicately but… in a nutshell, yes.”

“I'll go find something to do then.” Zack stands from the couch. “Maybe there's a Game on tonight…”

“Which game?”

“ _ The _ Game. You know, the one that's on somewhere other than here?”

_ Saved it. _

“Okay, cool. While you do that, I'm gonna do drugs and commit light arson with the Emmas.”

“You might be hanging with the wrong crowd.” Zack says as he pulls on his brown leather jacket. “I thought you would have gotten to white collar crime at this point. Maybe I overestimated you.”

Amanda winks. “I'm a street rat, Pops.”

“... you're just kidding about this, right?”

“Yes, Dad.”


	5. A (Almost) Hookup

As Zack is about to walk out the door Amanda stops him.

“Remember you've got that meeting with my English teacher tomorrow.” Amanda reminds him.

“Oh yeah!” Zack pretends to have not forgotten. “Mr. Vega, don't worry. I'll be there.”

Before Amanda can scold him for forgetting he's out the door and heading down the street.  _ Okay, maybe I didn't think this through. _ Zack picks a random direction and starts walking, no particular destination in mind.  _ Okay. We're walking, that's a good start right? We're walking in the direction of… I actually don't know but hopefully it's some sort game. Or just any sense of entertainment will do, I guess. _ In the distance there's a big, burned out neon sign above a tiny dive bar.  _ Jim and Kim’s? Fuck it. It'll do for now. _ The bar is small and dimly lit. There's the crack of pool balls in the back as the patrons laugh and joke. A string of multi colored Christmas lights hover above the bar. Zack pulls out a chair and takes a seat.

“What’ll it be?” the bartender asks.

“A beer, please.” Zack responds without having to think.

“Sure thing, boss.”

He slides Zack an ice cold beer, he takes a sip and enjoys the refreshing taste. Before he can make a fool out of himself by asking whether the bartender is Jim or Kim he spots a name tag hanging off of the pocket on his shirt.  _ Neil is his name. That's a little misleading. _ Zack turns his attention to the Game playing on the small TV in the corner of the room. As luck would have it, his preferred team is in the lead. The brightly coloured mascot, which is some sort of odd looking animal, does cartwheels and hypes up the crowd.

Zack sits sipping his drink and silently rooting for his team, praying that he doesn't get into any fights with fans of the opposition. Several people are wearing the colors of the team he dislikes, but they are too invested in the Game to get into arguments about it. Their passion for it is all in good fun. A middle aged woman holding a nearly empty wine glass slides up to the bar, instantly making Zack uncomfortable when she sits next to him.

“Hey, sailor.” She slurs slightly.

“Uh… hey.” Zack shifts in his seat.

“Good to see fresh meat in here.” She smirks. “I'm Mary. Come here often?”

_ I think I found Joseph's wife. _ “No. I actually just moved in this morning. I'm Zack.”

“Oh. You're watching the Game?” Mary sips her drink.

“Yeah. My teams in the lead. If they can keep this streak up, winning should be easy.”

“Oh, I love that team. And also I love that Game,” she scoots a little closer. “I love someone who knows their way around balls.”

_ Okay this lady is clearly a little drunk. _ “Uh..”

“Buy a gal a drink?” 

“Maybe some other time?” Zack tries to be polite.

“Suit yourself, sailor.” Mary rolls her eyes.

She saunters off, setting her sights on the newest bar patron to enter.  _ Well… that happened. _ Zack happily watches the remainder of the Game over another beer. The Game is close in scores, a little too close for Zack. His anxiety accelerates when a particularly skilled player scores a number of points for the other team, nudging them into first place. There's an affirmative grunt from another man sat a few stools away.

“Go team.” He says.

It's the brooding man from the Coffee Spoon. He's sitting alone, a glass of whiskey in hand and watching the Game as well.

“Enjoying the Game?” Zack asks.

“I am now that we're winning.” The stranger replies, flatly.

“We must be rooting for different teams.” Zack sips his drink. “How unfortunate.”

“In my opinion, my team is far superior.”

“That's where I'll have to disagree, sir.” Zack has had this argument many times. “Based on the past win/loss ratio, facts would prove that  _ my _ team is the superior.”

“Well. That's where you're wrong,” The stranger places his drink on the bar. “As it stands right now, my team is beating yours.”

Their conversation ends there and they return to silently cheering their teams. The scores are close, with both sides working their hardest to win. But in the end, Zack’s team prevails. Quiet cheers ripple throughout the bar. The brooding man raises his glass and Zack does the same in response, an unspoken truce is officially formed. He gestures to the bartender, who pour two glasses of whiskey. The man casually slides one to Zack.

“The name's Robert.”

“Zack.”

“You must be new here.” Robert glances around. ”Mary already hit on you?”

“Unfortunately so.” Zack shudders.

Robert chuckles. “She's a peach. A little too bold at first but you learn to love her. Well, you picked the best bar in town. As slimy as it maybe, you'll never find a better spot than Jim and Kim’s.”

“Is there actually a Jim or Kim that run this place?”

“No. That'd be Neil.” Neil waves from across the bar. “Good guy, Neil. There's never enough Neil’s in this world.”

Zack hums. “That's because it's a Jake’s and Daniel’s. It's a good change.”

Robert cracks a smile in agreement. “You got that right.” he glances down at Zack and raises an eyebrow. “You a Whiskey fella or a Beer fella?”

“Beer as a first preference. But any alcohol is my poison really.” Zack responds without having to think.

Robert grunts. “Do you like shots?”

“Why the fuck not, right?” Zack throws his arms up.

Robert nods to Neil, who serves up two shots at whiskey. “Here's to you health.” he mumbles.

The whiskey burns Zack’s throat; But it's a pain that he secretly loves.  _ Wait. I think this is what making friends is. Just don't make a fool out of yourself, Zack, for your own sake _ . Zack watches him from the corner of his eye, secretly liking what he was seeing. One problem, it's been a while since he last had to befriend with anyone; this could very well end in complete disaster.

* * *

Most of the patrons had left an hour ago, including the shit faced Mary. Whether she is still harassing the young lad she was pursuing or not is something Zack doesn't know but what he does know is that he's got the right amount of whiskey in his system to not think before he says things. He also seems to notice that Robert seems to become a little more alluring with every shot. This might be a problem.

“Hey.” Zack slurs slightly. “You have a nice face.”  _ Very smooth. _

“Thanks?” Robert’s lip twitches in what Zack hopes would be a smile. “Are you flirting with me?”

Zack shrugs. “If my awkwardness can be considered flirting then you damn right I am.”

Robert looks oddly at Zack then motions to the bartender for another round and Neil puts two more shots in front of the pair. Zack unconsciously decides this  _ has _ to be the last one or he's really going to make himself seem like a fool.

“What brought you here tonight?” Robert breaks their comfortable silence.

“My daughter kicked me out of the house. Not, like, forever. She just has her friends around.” Zack explains.

“Family man, huh?” Robert side glances, his intents clear.

“Single dad.” Zack sighs.

“Hm.” Robert stands. “Be right back. I need to powder my nose.”

_ Last time I heard someone say that, it meant they were going to do cocaine under the bleachers _ .

“I've never seen Robert this talkative.” Neil observes. “He must like you.”

“Apparently so.” Zack utters.

When Robert finally does come back, he picks up his jacket and quick slips it on. “I'm gonna go home. You heading my way?”

The leave the bar and find themselves both walking in the same direction. How convenient.

“I live in this cul-de-sac just down the road.” Robert clarifies.

_ Why does EVERYONE live here?! _

“Me too. We just finished unpacking this morning.” Zack shoves his hands in his pockets.

“Great place to be. Good neighbours. Well, for the most part.”

Robert tenses a little and Zack feels a wave of curiosity when he doesn't explain what he meant. They finally get to Robert’s house, which happens to be three away from Zack’s. They stop and Robert turns to face his new neighbour.

“I don’t like to kiss and tell, Zack.” Robert says. “So are we doing this, or not?”

“Doing… what?”

“You know,” Robert pauses. “Do you want to come in?”

Realisation finally hits and Zack feels his face heat up quickly.  _ Fuck it _ . “Why not, right?”

Robert seems to be pleased with that response. “Let's do it.”

Zack follows him up to his door. Robert fumbles with the keys for a second and unlocks the door, quickly moving inside. The moment the door closes Zack is pinned against the wall, trapped in a rough kiss with Robert holding on tightly to his hips.  _ What are you doing, Evans?! _

“Come on.”

Robert gently takes hold of Zack’s hand and leads him up stairs to what he can only assume is the older man's bedroom. But it's so dark that the only thing visible is Robert’s intense expression.  _ This is a bad idea! What would dad think! _ Robert kisses Zack again and effortlessly shucks off his jacket. He clumsily shakes off his own. Robert's hands roam down his chest and soon enough he's tugging at Zack’s belt.  _ Or worse… what would mom think? _ Zack quickly breaks away from Robert, quickly feeling a nauseous.

“I uh…”  _ What bullshit have you gotten yourself into this time? _

“Do you want me to stop?” Robert asks, his expression softening a little.

_ No _ . “I uh… I gotta get back to my daughter.” Zack picks up his jacket frantically.

“It's cool.” Robert backs up.

Zack doesn't look back as he quickly leaves the house. His head is spinning as he walks to his house, trying to find the right key as his hands shake. Sluggishly, he drags himself inside and into his bedroom then drops onto his bed, falling asleep before he has a chance to take off his shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took wayyyy too long and I apologise.
> 
> I lost my inspiration a little when I was over thinking what would happen after this but I've planned a lot of it now! So updates may become a little more frequent but I can't guarantee that.
> 
> Have a good day!


	6. Middle Schoolers & Angry Customers

Zack opens his eyes to his phone vibrating under him in the pocket of his jeans. Another text. He'd managed to sleep through the first one but the second seemed to bother him more.  

**_6:00 AM_**   
_Rise and shine, early bird. Still wanna_   
_work out? This is Craig, btw :)_

 ** _7:30 AM_**   
_Hey bud! Still wanna get your swole_   
_on? I'm ready to tear up the track. Hit_   
_me up!_

The last thing Zack wants to do right now is work out. But this is his best buddy and catching up does sound like a good idea.

**_7:32 AM_**   
_Hey, my man. I'll need to wake up but_   
_I'm up for it. Meet me in 20?_

Zack rubs the sleep from his eyes and jumps a little when his phone buzzes again. That was fast.

**_7:33 AM_**   
_Sure thing! Meet me at the gym!_

He stretches and his back clicks.  _ I need to stop falling asleep on the couch. _ He throws of his blanket and-  _ hey. I didn't fall asleep with a blanket. Did I? _ Amanda must've tucked him in while he was out.  _ What an angel _ . Zack peels himself away from the couch and heads to his bedroom to find clothes that look even slightly gym appropriate. In the end he puts on a pair of black sweatpants and an grey long sleeved t-shirt and heads out. The neighbourhood is quiet and serene this early in the morning. Birds chirp and the grass is still wet with dew. To Zack’s utter amazement the gym is pretty packed and he spots Craig outside, stretching,  _ what a shocker _ , and for once without River strapped to his chest. He spots Zack and waves enthusiastically.

“Hey, bro! Good morning!” He grins.

“Hey! Good to see you, man.” Zack responds, trying to seem as pumped as he is. Maybe  he should have had some coffee before he left. 

“You ready to kick some butt?” Craig crosses his arms.

_ Not at all. _ “You know this will just be a session of the gym kicking  _ my _ butt, right?” Zack jokes, but mostly being serious. “But I think I can handle it with you here.”

Craig blushes slightly. “Dude, bro… that means a lot.”

They head inside and Zack already feels uncomfortable. The place is full of people that look like their lives revolve around fitness. And it seems like Craig knows just about everyone. He high fives and finger guns all the cool jocks in the room. Zack feels like the kid on the playground that gets bullied for his lunch money, but instead of buying crap from the convenient store, they'd spend it on protein shakes.

“Come on, bud.” Craig elbows Zack’s side. “Let's warm up.”

They head over to the treadmills and start walking.  _ Alright, walking I can handle _ .

“So.” Zack begins. “I know these are treadmills. And those are ellipticals.”

“Very good.” Craig mocks.

“But what the crap is the rest of it?”

Craig laughs. “They may look a little scary, but I guarantee that all of them serve a specific purpose for building muscle mass.”

Zack watches a dude flex a muscle that he didn't even know existed on a machine that looks like it was used to process grain into flour.

“What is that?” Zack points in the guys direction. “Why would someone punish themselves like that?”

“That's a good question, bro. What do you think he's doing?”

“Well it sounds like he's performing an exorcism.” Zack cringes at the groaning sound that is emanating from the guys direction. “I don’t know. He's training so he can crush his enemies skull between those thighs.”

“That's pretty much the only reason I work out.” Craig plays along.

Craig turns up the speed and Zack feels obliged to copy. Hopefully, he's still got some remnants of his football days left.

“So the buff thing. When did that start?”

“Couple years ago.”

“What do you do the other hours of the day? You know, when your not dad-ing or working or… buff-ing?”

“I coach my twins’ softball team.” Craig smiles fondly.

“That's still both Dad-ing and buff-ing, bud.” Zack side glances.

“Ah, I keep busy. What do you do for fun?”

_ Think, Zack! _ “I read too much for my own good. You know, knowledge is power and all that.” Craig chuckles. “I literally went from the jock to the book worm. History… the paranormal… wilderness survival. All that good stuff.”

Craig hums. “So you watch the history channel to, huh?”

“... maybe.”

Again they bump at the speed. Zack is surprised that it doesn't bother him as much as he thought it would but it's still taking him out of his comfort zone. Something Zack is not a fan of. He looks over at Craig, who hasn't even broken a sweat yet.  _ How is he doing this so effortlessly? _

“Hey… remember when my fish died in college?”

_ This conversation took a depressing turn all of a sudden _ . “Noooo. Me no like this story.” Zack whines.

Speed increase… again. Zack can feel himself start to run out of breath.  _ Oh crap. _

“And we were at that party? And you vowed that you'd make me feel better? You told me to create a distraction, so of course I do a KegStand to get everyone cheering.”

“While I try to steal a fish from the tank at the part with my bare hands LIKE A COMPLETE MORON.” Zack can feel himself breathing quicker and quicker, his heart rate increasing.

“AND THEN you drop the fish and it's flopping around with you panicking. So you run up to me, post-kegstand with a dying, dirty fish in your hands shouting that me have to leave.”  _ I'm gonna fall on my face any minute. _ “So we're running out of this frat party with a fish and trying to save it with mouth to mouth resuscitation! And when we get him home and into a bowl the prognosis is grim.”

“But the next day he's…** huff **… perfectly fine. ** huff ** As if nothing happened.”

“They never did catch the great fish thieves of Grand Ridge U.” Craig smiles, widely. 

“And the never…** huff **... WILL!”

Zack feels his legs buckle and before he knows it he's shot off the end of the treadmill and crashed into the wall, in the most pain that he's felt in a long time.

“Fuck me… that hurt.” he groans, lying flat on the floor with his hands over his face.

“Dude! Bro! Are you okay?!”

Craig offers Zack a hand and pulls him up. He rubs his back that doesn't hurt right now but he's sure that it will later.

“You don’t have to push yourself like that. Always know your limits.” Craig looks genuinely concerned.

“Don’t worry about it. The only thing that's injured is my pride.” Zack smiles. “But I'm gonna call it a day on our gym adventure.”

“Are you sure you can walk? That crash was loud.”

“I'll be limping for a bit but I'll be fine.” he brushes off his friends concern.

“Alright, well, I brought you this.”

Craig hands Zack a bottle filled with a thick green liquid.  _ What the hell? _ Zack looks at the contents with what must be apparent distaste.

“Are you trying to poison me?” Zack raises an eyebrow.

Craig shakes his head with a wide grin. “It's a protein shake, bro.”

Zack hesitantly takes a sip, expecting it to be absolutely awful. It's… actually amazing.

“Oh my God.” Zack chugs another mouthful. “This is really good.”

“And good for you! It's my own special recipe. I'm pretty proud of it.” Craig explains. “But anyway, if you ever wanna work out again I'm all up for it. We can try something else if treadmills aren't your speed… no pun intended.”

“Good one. Hopefully I'll fall on my ass instead next time.” They share a laugh. “I'm going to go home and ice my… everything.”

“See you later, bro!”

Zack leaves the gym with an overwhelming feeling of failure hanging over his head.  _ Of course that had to happen while in public. It couldn't have happened when in the comfort of my own house? Is that too much to ask? _ When he finally get home, he lies down on the couch and tries to find a way to relax that doesn't make his body ache.  _ Oh god, I'm so old _ . Zack jolts awake and looks around for a clock.  _ Shoot! _ 3:55?! He has to be at Amanda's school in five minutes! He frantically puts on a set of clean clothes, applies a generous amount of deodorant and runs out the door. This is not a good day.

Zack arrives at the school and checks in at the front desk. They give him a neon orange ‘Visitor’ sticker and send him away. He feels kinda gross having not had time to brush his teeth or actually shower but hopefully no one will notice too much. Wait-  _ was it room 103 or 108? Oh for the love of god! I cannot catch a break today. _ He spots a youth standing in front of what Zack assumes to be his locker and approaches him to ask for help.

“Excuse me, do you know where Mr. Vega's class is?” Zack asks, his patients beginning to run  _ very _ thin. The kid turns around and looks Zack over with heavily lined eyes then replies with nothing but an irritated sigh. “Come on, it was a simple question.”

The teen rolls his eyes. “Mr. Who?”

“Vega.”

“I dunno.” He smirks. “Have you tried the exit?”

“Alright wise guy.” Zack snaps, finally losing his temper. “Are you going to help or not?”

Another angsty sigh. “... fine. Up those stairs and to the left. You can't miss him.”

“Thank you.”

Zack shakes his head as he walks away. He heads up the stairs and walks around aimlessly, unable to find Mr. Vega's class anywhere. The kid sent him on a wild goose chase! He gets back to where that low rent Gerard Way is standing, fully ready to rid himself of some of his anger when suddenly a head pops out of the classroom next to his locker.

“Lucien, don't you have a third period to get to?”

Again he sighs. “Fine, Mr. Vega.”

Zack glares at him as he walks away. “We're going to have problems.”

“You must be Zack. This period is almost over, would you mind waiting in the back?”

Mr. Vega leads Zack inside the classroom and he takes a seat in one of the comically small chairs in the back corner. He fit in these once, but now he might just be stuck in it. A big group of what looks to be middle schoolers file into the class and sit down.  _ I thought he taught high schoolers? _

“Alright, where were we… Now who can tell me about the unreliability of the narrator in J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye?” One kid at the front of the class put his hand up. Mr. Vega looks reluctant to pick him. “Yes, Colin?”

Collin stands up and does that thing where you blow into your elbow to make a fart noise. The whole class erupts in laughter.

“Alright, alright everyone. Not funny, Colin. Please sit down. Now, Holden Caulfield is an unreliable narrator in the sense that-”

Before he can finish his sentence, the bell rings for the end of the period. All the students immediately get up and make a desperate break for the door.

“Remember to do the reading and answer the response questions on page 194 in your textbook-!” Nobody's listening. “Or not, I guess.”

“Isn't he an unreliable narrator because he's a self confessed liar?” Zack asks. “I wouldn't trust someone who confesses to blatantly lying. Would you?”

Mr. Vega seems impressed. “How did you know that?”

“Just another useless fact from high school, apparently.” He shrugs.

Mr. Vega sighs. “Middle schoolers, right?”

“Possibly the worst age to be. But don't you teach high schoolers?”

“Both, you know… budget cuts.” He brushes of the question. “Thank you for coming in.”

“No problem… Mr. Vega.”  _ That sounded so awkward coming from me. _

“Please call me Hugo.”  _ Hugo _ says. “I don't usually do these impromptu parent/teacher meetings, but as I'm sure you know Amanda's a very bright student and I'm concerned about her recent behaviour.”

“What's she been doing?”

“Your daughter has never been the most… engaged… student, but I know she cares. Recently, though, she's been falling behind. She's not completing assignments and has been doing rather poorly on tests. I'd normally chalk this up to senioritis, but…”

Zack thought Amanda told him about everything. It hadn't even crossed his mind that something could be wrong.

“I just wanted to ask- is everything okay at home?”

Zack thinks. “We just moved but she seemed happier about that than me and it was only to the other side of town.”

“See if you can talk to her about it. I know she values you a great deal and would appreciate your guidance. I she keeps heading down this road… it might jeopardise her chances at getting into art school and I know how much it means to her. I don't want to see her miss out on a scholarship she's worked so hard to deserve.”

“I'll make sure to bring it up. Thanks for letting me know, Hugo.”

“Anytime.” Hugo smiles.

Zack manages to pry himself from the tiny chair and starts heading out of the classroom. He stops, thinking for a moment, then turns back to Hugo.

“Hey, Hugo.”

“Yes?”

“They ever catch that Rye?”

Hugo smirks. “Yes.”

Zack leaves the classroom and makes his way out of the school. He's still a little surprised that Amanda didn't tell him any of this and he had to find out through her teacher. She's always told him everything (even things he didn't really want to know.) She's always been a big force of positivity in Zack's life, especially after they lost her mother.  _ Amanda must be done with classes by now, right? She'd probably appreciate a ride home too. Maybe I can talk to her about it now. _

* * *

Zack pulls up to the carpool and Amanda happily jumps into the passenger seat.

“So,” she begins. “Did you have fun gossiping about me with Mr. Vega?”

“We actually just gossiped about our celebrity crushes. You were the topic for maybe two, three minutes tops.” Zack teases.

“So it was a full conversation about Freddie Mercury?” Amanda scoffs.

“Yes, my darling daughter. It was a very productive meeting.”

Amanda swiftly changes the subject. “I'm pretty hungry. Can we grab some dinner?”

“Sure thing.” Zack agrees. “How's the mall sound?”

“Why the mall?” Amanda doesn't look intrigued.

“Geez can't a dad take his daughter to the mall?”

“Will you buy me things?”

I will buy you  _ a _ thing. Singular.”

“That sounds like a good enough deal to me.”

They drive in silence for a short while. Amanda plays a game on her phone. Usually the silence wouldn't bother Zack at all but his and Hugo's conversation is still fresh in his mind. He should say something. Anything.

“Y'know, I understand that when kids get older they feel a need to hide things from their parents. And that's okay, it's what kids do but… it's also good to have a parent's perspective. You never know, maybe they've been in the same situation.” Zack says, trying to not making his worry blatantly obvious. “And maybe they're cooler than you give them credit for. Anyway, I'm just reminding you that it's good to share. Love you.

Amanda looks apprehensively at her father. “… Have you been reading my tweets?”

“You have Twitter?”

“What? Nevermind.”

Zack sighs. “Look, honey, Mr. Vega said you haven't been participating in class and that you're not turning things in.”

“I'm fine, Pops.” Amanda reassures. “Senioritis and all that.”

Zack still isn't convinced. “I thought you liked Mr. Vega's class?”

“It's fine. He's fine.”

They pull up to a red light and Zack eyes Amanda. She's still texting.

“I just… I just want you to know that you can talk to me about absolutely anything.”

“Uh-huh.”

Zack knows that whatever it is, she doesn't want him to know about it. That's frustrating.

“I heard Emma R.’s going to that fancy art school in California. Must be existing… Right?”

“Yep.”

“Are you bummed you two aren't going to the same school?”

“Yep.”

_ This conversation is going nowhere. _ Amanda keeps texting and stifles a laugh.

“What's so funny?” Zack asks.

“Uh… it's uh…” Amanda stalls. “I don't think you'd get it.”

“Okay… who ya texting?”

“Noah.”

_ What? _ “Who's Noah?”

“My friend.”

“Does he go to you're school?”

“Yep.”

“Do you… like… Noah?”

“What! No! Dad! Ugh… I can't believe you would… Dad. I mean, why would you… ugh… Gross…”

“Sorry, sorry. Just asking.” Zack blurts out.

“Guys and girls can be friends, he's my friend, Dad.” Amanda says defensively.

“Okay, okay! I get it. Stop shouting at me already.”

Amanda rolls her eyes. “Geez.”

_ That went great _ . “Good talk. Love ya, kiddo.”

She learns forward and turns up the radio, declaring this conversation officially over. To the mall then.

* * *

When they've filled up on the greasy food that populates the food court, Amanda sets her eyes on a shop on the other side of the floor they are currently on. She practically runs to the back of the sore when they get there.

“Look! You can still see the outline kinda!” She yells.

“Ew.” Zack says bluntly.

“Speech!” Amanda yells. “SPEECH!! SPEECH!! SPEE-!!”

“OKAY!! I'll do it if you stop yelling.” She stops immediately. “We're gathered here today to commemorate a day that would forever shape the course of history. At least five years ago, on a day very much like today, our very own Amanda Ann Evans had too much Blue Raspberry Slushie on an outing to the mall.” Zack cringes slightly when the memory creeps back into his head. “After begging her father to take her to Dead, Goth & Beyond to buy rainbow suspenders, she proceeded to throw up all over a display of My Chemical Romance merchandise. Her loving father then had to pay for said merchandise which still remains in a box somewhere in our house. Thank you.”

Amanda is moved by her father's words. She begins to clap; slow at first and then more vigorously. Several other customers turn their heads. One of them also starts clapping. Zack bows his head.

“Oh! Chain wallets!”

While Amanda busies herself with looking at band t-shirts, Zack looks around to see if there's anything that even slightly peaks his interest. Considering his music library mostly consists of Queen, he never expects to see a band shirt that would fit his style inside of Dead, Goth & Beyond; apart from maybe the Metallica and Iron Maiden shirts sitting in the corner.

“Look this is really important to me!”

Zack turns around when he overhears the stifled argument at the cash register. An older gentleman carrying a garment and showing it to a bored looking cashier with pink hair.

“Don't know what to tell you man.” Replies the teen.

“Listen, when I bought this online the website said this blouse was Victorian-inspired. However, when I received it, it  _ clearly _ held the trademark of Edwardian dressage.” The man argues.

“Do you want a coupon? I will give you a coupon if it'll get you to leave.” The cashier crosses her arms.

“Is there a manager present? People must know what they're buying.”

“I  _ am _ the manager.”

“I see.” The man scowls. “Well, it seems that I have outstayed my welcome. Good day, shopkeep. Your superiors will receive a strongly worded letter by post.”

The man twirls around and storms out, his literal coattail trails behind him. Zack doesn't know whether it's Victorian-inspired or Edwardian in nature. Amanda trots up to him, t-shirt in hand. Here it comes.

“Hey, Dadtron 5000-”

“YES, I will buy it for you.”

“Wow. That was easier than expected.”

“At least it's only on this time.”

Amanda plops her shirt down on the counter and grins at the cashier. “I love your hair!”

The cashier says nothing and rings Amanda up, radiating hatred. Zack hands her a twenty. “What's the deal with that guy?”

“That's just Damien.” She rolls her eyes so hard that she might have actually pulled something. “He's in here all the time. He's obsessed with Victorian fashion or whatever.”

She hands Amanda her bag so it's clear the conversation is over. They make their way out of the store and head home. When they walk in the door, they get comfortable on the couch and they decide what to watch over two bowls of ice cream.

“Oh cool!” Amanda finally puts down the remote control. “Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers is on! Your favourite, right?”

“Hell yeah!” Zack grins. “They have to make it over the Canadian tundra before the ice road melts but they're hunting ghosts at the same time… and the trucks are haunted.”

They become fully invested in the show and finish the ice cream in front of them while Flynt and Callum shout at each other about the fact that they're both about to die. When the episode ends, Amanda excuses herself to go start fights on the internet and Zack starts on the next episode of Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers. By the forth episode, he's slowly dozing off on the couch and before long he's fast asleep.


	7. Dad Puns & Barbecues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, stranger. I'm not dead. This took too long.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm so bad at this, please forgive me.

The next morning Zack is snoring on the couch, disrupting the otherwise quiet house, but the noise is quickly cut short by his daughter.

“Morning, Sleepyhead!” Amanda says enthusiastically.

“Ugh…” Zack grumbles. “Five more minutes…”

“You have never ever let me have five more minutes, so. Get up.”

“Fiiiiiiiiiine.”

They have cereal for breakfast and spend the morning putting together the furniture. Amanda can interpret the tiny manuals considerably better than her father. They're able to put together a few shelves and a desk, despite the manual clearly displaying a bookcase on the front cover.

“Are you excited for the cook out today?”

“I'm always excited when food is involved, Manda, especially those sugar cookies that everyone brings to parties.”

“Yeah…” Amanda pauses. “Those are bad.”

“That just means there's more for me.” Zack grins.

“Don't you want to meet people? Make some friends?” Amanda queries.

“I thought you'd know me well enough to be aware that I'd rather stand in the corner and pray that no one speaks to me.” He responds.

Amanda rolls her eyes. “You're a beautiful work in progress Dad. We'll get that butterfly to emerge from the cocoon. The social butterfly.”

“I severely doubt that will happen.”

* * *

Zack carries a veggie plate as they walk towards Joseph's house. The backyard is already packed with people and the smell of hot dog wafts through the air. Small children run through the sprinkler while the adults gossip to each other in small clusters. This is Zack's worst nightmare; social interaction. He sets the veggie plate down next to two other veggie plates.  _ Huh. _

“Look, there's Joseph.” Amanda points out.

Zack waves in order to get his neighbour's attention. When Joseph spots them he, jogs over, arms open wide.

“Welcome! I'm glad you two are here!” Joseph beams. “Let me introduce you to my kids. This is Chris, my eldest.”

The boy doesn't look happy to be here at all. “Hi.”

“This is Christian and Christie, they're twins.” The boy and the girl step out from behind they're father, staring creepily and remaining silent. Amanda slightly side steps to hide behind her father. “Then there's our youngest, Crish…” Joseph looks around nervously. “Wait… where is Crish. Maybe Mary put him in his crib.”

Zack gulps when he sees the woman from the bar approach them. What is she doing here?

“Oh! And how could I forget my lovely wife, Mary.” Joseph pecks her on the cheek and she smiles. “Mary, sweetheart, did you put Crish to bed?”

“I'll have to go look for him.” Mary answers casually. As if not knowing where your child has gone is normal.

“What-? You'll have to-?” Joseph has to regain his composure. “Mary, this is our new neighbour, Zack and his daughter, Amanda.”

“I'd shake your hand but I have a glass of wine I need to attend to.”

“I love her already.” Amanda whispers to Zack. 

“Nice to meet you, Mary. For the first time.” Zack attempts to not make it even more awkward. It doesn't work.

“Charmed.” Mary scoffs. “Well, I have to go over there now.”

Mary leaves and Zack feels some of the awkwardness leave. Not a lot of it but a little bit. It takes all of his energy not to run away from the barbecue, pack his things and move to a different city.

“Ha ha ha, my wife has a delightful sense of humour. Please enjoy the barbecue, all the guys are excited to get to know you better. I bet you're excited to get to know them too. Hope you both enjoy yourselves!”

Amanda and Zack wander around and try some of the food. Amanda grabs a paper plate and starts loading it with baked goods while Zack picks at some deviled eggs. 

“I don't want to have to make friends. Can't food be a good enough substitute.” Zack moans.

“Come on, Dad. Who are you gonna party with when I go off to school?”

“I don't wanna have to do pleasantries, Pandaaaaa.”

She rolls her eyes. “Dad.”

“They'll make me talk about the weatherrrrr…”

Amanda crosses her arms. “Go. Do it. Make friends.”

“How could I abandon my only child at a social function, that's bad parenting.”

“This plate of cookies is my new Dad. Bye.”

Amanda shoves Zack into the middle of the yard before walking off herself.  _ Here goes nothing _ . He looks around the party and is surprised to see some familiar faces. The barista from the Coffee Spoon, the guy from the bar, the one that threw a frisbee at his head, the one having a melt down in Death, Goth and Beyond, Amanda's teacher and his best friend.  _ Do all these people actually live here? _ Zack decides to go talk to people he's already familiar with, that being the group of Craig, Mat and Hugo. Mat and Hugo seem to be embroiled in an intense discussion while Craig looks on, smiling politely. Zack walks over.

“Well, I don't think it's fair to try and compare two art movements like that.” Hugo argues. “Periods in art only exist because they're a unique byproduct of the social and political climate at a time and place, and to try to take something like say, the Rococo period and compare it to postmodernism in America, you're completely disregarding the context in which a work of art is created.”

Mat and Hugo are so involved in talking that they don't notice Zack. Craig leans towards him. “Dude… I have no idea what's happening.”

“They're having and intense discussion about art.” Zack says. “But how'd resistance training go the other day?”

“Great! Little river here is a great cheerleader. Aren't ya, tiny bro?” Craig grabs River's arms and waves them around. He then says in a baby like voice. “You can do it, Dad! I'm so proud of you! Sorry for pooping on you!”

“She must be a handful at that age.”

“Oh, they always are. But it's so worth it.” Again, Craig grabs River's arms and waves them around. “Also I'm sorry for throwing up on you Dad! How you settlin’ in?”

“I think you could consider it ‘liveable’. There's still a few odds and ends to take care of before you could consider it ‘settled’.”

“We did ‘liveable’ throughout the entirety of college.” Craig dead pans.

“No. We did ‘just barely liveable’ throughout the entirety of college. And my plan for my daughter didn't involve eating spoonfuls of ranch between different types of pizza.” Zack grimaces. “She does, though.”

“Hey, she takes after her Dad.”

“Zack,” Hugo joins the conversation. “How are you liking the neighbourhood?”

“So far so good. Everyone seems friendly enough.” Zack shoves his hands in his pockets as he speaks.

“Looks like Amanda's fitting in just fine too.” Mat points across the yard.

Amanda, Daisy and another young girl are sitting cross legged in the grass, picking weeds and weaving them into little flower crowns. It's actually pretty adorable. The girl Zack doesn't know jobs over to them.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Mat questions.

“It's a flower crown.” She holds out the circle of daisies. “I thought you'd look cute in it.”

“Well, there's only one way to find out.” Mat takes the crown and places it on top of his head. “Am I cool now?”

“Hmm…” the girl stares at him, deep in thought. “Nope. But you're slightly less uncool than you were before.”

“Ha, Zack, this is my daughter.”

“Hey.” Zack smiles.

“I'm Carmensita!” She exclaims.

Amanda walks over with Daisy in tow. “Dad, look! I'm making friends.” Amanda taunts. “Are you making friends? You'd better be making friends.”

“Yeah, actually. You remember the cool barista from the coffee shop, and my old college friend and your… teacher.” Zack retorts.

“Oh, hi Mr. Vega. I didn't realise we were neighbours.” Amanda looks immediately uneasy.

“Yep.” Hugo smiles. “Are you still going to get me that overdue term paper?”

Amanda laughs nervously before she states, “Great seeing you!” and she finger guns her way out of the conversation like a true champ.

“Unbelievable.” Zack sniggers. “She learned the finger guns from me, I'm proud of that. She may have also gotten the turning in things late from me, that I'm not proud of.”

“She's definitely a charmer.” Hugo pushes his glasses up. “Speaking of which, where did my son go…?” He looks around the party and it's obvious when he spots him because his eyes go wide. “Ernest! Ernest Hemingway Vega! Are you smoking?!”

Ernest looks at his father with a lit cigarette in hand. “Nope.” He casually takes a long drag from the cigarette and then flicks it into the gutter.

“Unbelievable.” Hugo shakes his head. “Excuse me.”

Hugo marches over to Ernest and Zack turns away to face Mat and Craig. “Kids, right?”

“Didn't you used to smoke?” Craig challenges.

“That's different. I was a grown man, not thirteen.” Zack attempts to defend himself. 

“I do not envy Hugo.” Mat folds his arms. “The last barbecue we had, Ernest tried to shove a sparkler down Joseph's pants. Nearly burned down half the yard.”

“Then the barbecue before that, he actually burned down half the yard.” Craig adds on.

“Then it spread to my lawn and burned down half of my yard too.” Mat frowns.

“Jesus…” Zack utters.

Hugo walks back over to us, practically dragging his teenage son behind him. “I apologise for that. Zack, this is my son, Ernest.”

“Hello.”

Ernest looks away, sulking, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. And when he doesn't reply, Hugo nudges him impatiently before he finally offers a “Hey.”

“Nice to meet you, Ernest. What grade are you in?” Zack tries to be polite.

“Does it matter?” Ernest rolls his eyes.

“Ernest.” Hugo sighs.

“Okay, geez. I'm in eighth grade, God, are you happy now? I'm sure you were just  _ dying _ to know.”

“My life is now complete, child.” Zack says, earning a stifled laugh from Craig.

Ernest rolls his eyes (again). “Can I go now? I'm tired of talking to old dudes who blame my generation for the failing economy.”

“ERNEST!” Hugo snaps.

“Oh yeah, because I'M totally embarrassing YOU!” Ernest puts his earbuds in and storms off to stand in a corner.  _ Well… that happened _ .

“He was charming.” Zack says.

Hugo puts his head in his hands and sighs. “I'm so sorry. He's having a really tough time. As much as I want to be the Cool Dad, I have to be the Authoritarian Dad and he clearly resents me for it.”

“I mean,” Craig starts. “as a Dad and a teacher, that's about as authoritarian as you can get.”

“Honestly, are any of us Cool Dads? Is it even possible to be a Cool Dad?”

“What? I don't think I'm that uncool.” Zack feins his offense. 

“See, that right there. You can't say that.” Mat says.

“My kids think I'm cool.” Craig frowns.

“But for how long, Craig? How long do we get to be Cool Dads?” Mat continues to press.

“I uh…” Craig stumbles on his words. “I don't know.”

“I think as Dads, we have to accept the fact that we've become the Machine we once raged against and accept our fate to ironically wear socks with sandals. Your kids may think you're cool now, but puberty will hit and change that completely.” Mat explains.

Craig looks deflated at this realisation, Zack reassuringly smacks his shoulder. “Don't worry, buddy, and Amanda's 18 and she thinks I'm cool.”

They all look at Zack skeptically. He turns and yells across the yard. “AMANDA, I'M COOL RIGHT?!” Amanda laughs hysterically, and laughs, and laughs. “Okay, I see you're point.”

“As much as we all want it, I don't think it's as important to be a Cool Dad as it is a Good Dad.” Hugo weighs in. “We can't all be best friends with our kids, look at me and Ernest… Our job is to make sure our kids turn out okay.”

“Amen to that.” Zack agrees.

“You're right.” Mat sighs. “But it'd be nice to have it both ways.”

This conversation makes Zack question his relationship with Amanda. They get along swimmingly now but that could change in the foreseeable future. Could college be the thing that messes it up?

“Don't let us use all of your time, Zack, go meet some of the others around the neighbourhood!” Hugo suggests.

Zack spends the next hour or so getting to know his neighbours. He didn't want to get one upped by Brian or discuss with Robert what happened the other night so he managed to avoid that conversation entirely. After a lengthy conversation with the man from Dead, Goth and Beyond (Zack has recently learned his name to be Damien, a very fitting name) about why he was having a tantrum in the middle of a store as well as meeting Lucien again, Joseph starts cooking the burgers.

“You guys think this is my first time in front of a grill?” Joseph boasts.

He starts working faster, effortlessly tossing cheese onto patties and perfectly grilling onions on each side. One after another, the Dads take notice and crowd around Joseph to admire his flawless technique. Craig strolls up and comes to a stop next to Zack, slightly nudging him to get his attention.

“You probably don't know this, Zack, but Joseph's known around here for his grillmanship.”

“I can see that.” Zack responds.

“He's  _ un-grill-ievable _ .” Brian chuckles.

_ Oh God. Here come the Dad puns… _

“I've tried to get to his level, but I just can't  _ ketchup _ .” Craig beams.

“ _ Lettuce _ keep studying. He has a  _ Rare _ quality about him.” Mat seizes his opportunity to join the pun-wagon.

“ _ Mustard _ we keep talking about this? Can't we just appreciate the artist?”

“I've never seen him make a  _ mis-Steak _ .” Robert grumbles.

“Okay we need to stop this is getting too… cheesy.”

“Please stop…” Amanda shakes her head.

Zack can't hold it back any longer. “Why do you have to get up in our  _ grill _ , Manda?”

“Don't you start too.” Amanda scolds her father.

All of the children boo the glorious display of puns in unison.

“Alright guys,” Joseph begins. “the food's ready! Everyone please form an orderly  _ barbe-queue _ .”

Amanda groans. Everyone grabs their food then they continue to talk amongst themselves, all enjoying perfectly cooked cheese burgers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even still reading my trash? I'd be suprised if the answer is yes.
> 
> Anyway, I want to split this into different books with each dad. Either Hugo or Robert will be first because they've always been my favourites. Would anyone read one about Brian? I noticed there isn't too many fics about him and he annoys me if I'm perfectly honest.
> 
> If someone does want it I'll write it regardless though.
> 
> Bye!


End file.
